ULTIMATE Big Brother's Sugah Brother

By Michael McCrory

How much fun is Ultimate Big Brother?!

I am glued to the goings on inside the house with Chantelle and Preston's ‘will they, won't they' relationship ‘thingy' keeping me maddeningly in suspense - oooooh! [angry face]. First Josie and that blonde eejit, John James teased me like a prostitute in a prison and now these two!

Surely somewhere deep down inside either, or both of them, although probably neither of them, should be thinking - ‘hey, hold on this is getting a bit out of hand, we've been here before and it lasted 9 months, get me out of here!'

Part of me would love to see them get together AGAIN (the part of me that made bad decisions in the past that left me heart-broken, miserable and a stone and a half heavier) but surely the sensible thing to do is back off from eachother, see out their big pay day and move on with their lives.

Yeah right - since when did Mr Love ever listen to Miss Sensible? That's right. NEVER.

Should they get together then break-up. I hope Chantelle stays away from the plastic surgeon - she doesn't need bigger boobs and she certainly never needed cheek implants - OUCH!!!

Preston, on the other hand, could be doing with a few inches (you decide where), a wardrobe overhaul (Saint Gok of the Wan would have field day) and a bit more personality. He's just - wallpaper really - there but after a while one doesn't really notice it.

Chantelle is smitten though! Boys, if you've been having no luck on the dating front and want to see what a woman in love looks like then put your 12 pack of Harp down and tune in.

Nasty Nick, Makosi, Ulrika, Chantelle, Nikki and Nadia have been nominated to face a double eviction this Friday.

Two of the Ultimate Big Brother housemates will get the boot when the viewers decide who they have had enough of, as Big Brother 1 villain Nick faces the ladies in the public vote.

And while I'm on the Nasty Nick subject, like, I mean, what the hell! What everyone seems to have forgotten from last time was just how boring he was. He's a total non-entity as far as I'm concerned. And what's with the weird laugh and geekisk behaviour. Eugh! - GET HIM OUT! As they say in Belfast ‘he turns me'.

Since ‘Slick man' Victor entered the house he and Nasty Nick have bonded and are determined to make mischief, but the other housemates have cottoned on to them.

At breakfast Chantelle, Preston, Ulrika and Brian discussed what they thought the pair might be plotting so watch out you two buck eejits.

Brian Dowling is proving to be as adorable as he was first time round which saw him take home the winner's title. His razor sharp wit and naughty but nice wild side are proving as popular with the public as they are with the housemates.

He is certainly the early favourite to win just as Josie was.

However, with no love interest to keep him in the public eye, a la Preston and Chantelle, he may lose out to one of them in the end.

I hope not though I love him. He's the sort of person we all imagine going to a snazzy night spot with, getting chatted up all night by beautiful creatures, woofing down expensive champagne, the VIP treatment all the way then bitching about the night's goings on back at yours with half a Kebab stickin outta your bake!

Like Josie, he's a breath of fresh air amongst the stale egos of has-been and never really weres, celebs who let's face it - and I don't blame them - are in it for the cash.

So who will go? My guess is Makosi and ...... wait for it ...... Nadia.

It seems to me that Nadia is losing out to Brian - to my mind it's a straight choice (no pun intended) between the two. Brian or Nadia. I wonder if that thinking has seeped into the psyche of the voting public? Or like many of these wild ideas I have, it's just me. Who knows, but for what it's worth that's my prediction!

Meanwhile, one final midweek eviction will take place next Wednesday, 8th September, before Ultimate Big Brother - and the Big Brother era on Channel 4 - reaches its conclusion on Friday the 10th.

I will be out of the country [sniff, sniff] so I'd like to thank you all for reading and I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have! What a journey!

You will be in the very capable and beautifully manicured hands of Sugahfix doyenne, Katrina Doran.

See, ye!